“It was just one those sexy ass Sunday nights….I started thinking about all the sex that happens at every second around the world. I mean, right now people are out there just, just going into each other. Wearing out their knees. And I wanted to be one of them. So I said fuck it…” – Fliff Night, Professor Brothers by Brad Neely.
When I came up with the idea for this blog I was taking a peek at the BDSM section at Eden Fantasys, ogling some nipple clips. I really like the color blue, and it was just too much not to put in my cart. I started to contemplate the pictures I promised a friend of mine of my body as I slim and tone down with my gym. How I couldn’t be excited at the thought of trimming down, and one day getting to wear that blue collar he promised?
Woah, woah, woah. Where the hell did this come from? I am certainly not vanilla, but I had never been so excited about wearing a collar and being paraded around. So I really started to think about it. I thought about sex, sensuality, love, play and toys.
Since I was young I knew that boys were meant for something (Sorry to sound so hetero, I was 5 and lived in the boonies. Homosexuality never came up until middle school when I moved into a city). I grew up on Disney movies, so I figured out it was to love, kiss and ride off into the sunset with. You know, live happily ever after. My goal in life was to find that one special someone, settle down, cuddle, maybe have a baby, being together forever and forever. Unfortunately for me, we do not live in a Disney world and I was being a romantic in seemingly loveless world. After being scorned by an ex 2007, all I could think about was the girl he left me for and him just…doing it. And instead of hating them…I wanted to be apart of it. I thought there would be nothing sexier then help him tie her up and all of us going at it. I shoved the thought from my mind at the moment as I tried to heal.
Come a year or so later, that ex and I get back together in a sexual way that would last, still until this day. Our sex became rough, and our time surprising. He always pushed me to do things that I thought were crazy, such as wearing nothing but a coat to the movie theater and having sex. Of course I wore clothes, and of course people just had to go see the movie we chose. We fooled around but nothing fancy. He wanted more, and I was too scared. We were free to see other people, and while I was content, he was content to have sex with anyone that looked at him more then twice.
The hopeless romantic in me screamed “WHY!?”. Why would you comprise forever for sex? Because it was good, because it was freeing. While I hated to think of whom he was doing, I couldn’t help to excited to think about it and wished I was there. I couldn't help after drinking to touch the girls. They were just so soft and it excited my male friends so much. These thoughts plagued me for a while; until I found out I was pregnant with his child. That is not something we’ll go into here, but 9 months later out she comes.
I wanted something new. I want something fresh. I want to explore this idea of multiples with and without commitment. I also wanted to explore the idea of sensuality without having to be overtly sexual. I really want to come into my own body, feeling out what my limits are and pushing the boundaries. Getting to know the many different kinds of things to do, even if they aren’t for me. Daring to be bold, to wear the collar, but also hold a whip.
Love Darlings,
A Blue Girl (Just one half of this show)
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