Where is your head at?

When I got into college, after my first relationship in my 20s, I began to question a lot of things. The more parties I went out too, the more I moved with people, the more I generally liked everyone. While I did love a good, deep dicking, I couldn’t help liking the feel of a woman in my arms. The soft subtleties of her skin, the way our lips moved and oh my gods, those soft sweater puppies. I remember one time, in my philosophy class, I met this bright lady. She was a great student and very cute. After class one day, we had both entered the restroom and on the way out she squeaked “Have a good day!” and ran off. For the next three days all I could was sit and question my sexuality!

It was a hard three days, but I just considered it bisexuality. Yet, I didn’t want to have sex with her; I just wanted to be with her. I pushed it away again and became friends with this young lady. We are still really great friends, and I told her about it one day. She was so pleased that I caused these feelings, even though she was pretty hetero herself. It just really got me thinking about loving all people, no matter what they look like or how they identify sexually (but respecting their personal space).

I really only ever experimented with these feeling when I had consumed a Viking’s amount of booze, which makes me sad. I had a constant sexual partner, and I thought I was content. Well, I was content in a sexually sense because the sex was completely fulfilling.  I was having rough sex often and got to go out to look and touch.

But now that the magic is over and I am alone, I am left wanting. What do I want? How do I know? How does one go about exploring all of this? I had a long drive with my friend Mini the other day as we chatted away about it. Just the idea of being in love with people, humanity and getting a little something something every once and a while. I want to explore on all these things. Bisexual, Polyamory.

I actually think I would be pretty content if I lead more of a polyamrous life. Having a main squeeze and having various lovers. Not lovers as in a fling a night, but people whom we can both bring home to dinner. Get to really know people inside and out, then share that wonderful experience called sex. I really want to get to know the world for all she is.

Sorry if this post is all over the place, but I seem to be all over the place. I hope to bring it down to earth soon.

Absent Mindily Yours,

A Blue Girl

Smothered and Covered Like Waffle House Hash Browns

Sorry for the delayed update, incessant self editing is a bitch. However, that is not the point. Sexy times. Always the point.

When I was asked to contribute to this project, my initial reaction was "heck yes, something to keep a lady writing!" But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had to make up for a lot of missed material. However, let the record show that what is lacking in quantity of experiences and partners is made up for in curiosity and enthusiasm.

This past weekend, I paid a visit to my long-distance boyfriend of two years. The prior week was filled with stress from my job, my family, my car, and overall frustration with stupid people/places/things. My boyfriend seemed to be having a similar week, and I suppose it didn't help that he had to spend Thanksgiving working and away from his family and friends. I decided to pay him a visit to lift both our spirits. Friday afternoon, my ticket was booked and by Friday night I was watching DVR-ed episodes of Jeopardy! on his couch.

His best friend/roommate being out of town only sweetened the deal.

Around 3 am, we go to bed. Sometimes bed means bed, and other times bed means sexy times. That night, it happened to be the latter. I enjoy sex with my boyfriend. We enjoy experimenting with each other. This particular insance started as most of our sexual rounds usually do: sucking of various body parts, touching, kissing, etc. At one point, once the actual sex began, I thought about being choked, which somehow translated to the words "I want you to choke me" falling off my lips. We had tried choking a few times before and it was interesting, but nothing I had come to crave. Which made the request all the more weird to me. Generally speaking, I like it rough(ish): hitting, spanking, whipping (light), biting, getting tied up, are being held down are all things I enjoy and desire regularly. The moment just seemed right to give choking another chance.

First we try CSI-style (hands around throat) and then TV-rapist-style (hand/hands over nose and mouth). Both times I had to call a time out. It wasn't working for me, and that was a little sad. I was trying to fight my survival instincts, and I'm not to the point where I can mentally bypass fighting back. Part of it might have had to do with the fact that instead of enjoying the moments for what they were, I was putting all my focus on not panicking. I thought that since because I used my judgement to initiate it, the choke would work out better. It didn't.

I am still determined to make this choking thing work. It might be a matter of research and mental preparation, maybe some meditating. It might be a personal thing that just won't work out, no matter how much I want it to. But if it does, I assure you, you'll be the third to know.

xoxo

Miss X

I need to live by my words

“It was just one those sexy ass Sunday nights….I started thinking about all the sex that happens at every second around the world. I mean, right now people are out there just, just going into each other. Wearing out their knees. And I wanted to be one of them. So I said fuck it…” – Fliff Night, Professor Brothers by Brad Neely.

When I came up with the idea for this blog I was taking a peek at the BDSM section at Eden Fantasys, ogling some nipple clips. I really like the color blue, and it was just too much not to put in my cart. I started to contemplate the pictures I promised a friend of mine of my body as I slim and tone down with my gym. How I couldn’t be excited at the thought of trimming down, and one day getting to wear that blue collar he promised?

Woah, woah, woah. Where the hell did this come from? I am certainly not vanilla, but I had never been so excited about wearing a collar and being paraded around. So I really started to think about it. I thought about sex, sensuality, love, play and toys.

Since I was young I knew that boys were meant for something (Sorry to sound so hetero, I was 5 and lived in the boonies. Homosexuality never came up until middle school when I moved into a city). I grew up on Disney movies, so I figured out it was to love, kiss and ride off into the sunset with. You know, live happily ever after. My goal in life was to find that one special someone, settle down, cuddle, maybe have a baby, being together forever and forever. Unfortunately for me, we do not live in a Disney world and I was being a romantic in seemingly loveless world. After being scorned by an ex 2007, all I could think about was the girl he left me for and him just…doing it. And instead of hating them…I wanted to be apart of it. I thought there would be nothing sexier then help him tie her up and all of us going at it. I shoved the thought from my mind at the moment as I tried to heal.

Come a year or so later, that ex and I get back together in a sexual way that would last, still until this day. Our sex became rough, and our time surprising. He always pushed me to do things that I thought were crazy, such as wearing nothing but a coat to the movie theater and having sex. Of course I wore clothes, and of course people just had to go see the movie we chose. We fooled around but nothing fancy. He wanted more, and I was too scared. We were free to see other people, and while I was content, he was content to have sex with anyone that looked at him more then twice.

The hopeless romantic in me screamed “WHY!?”. Why would you comprise forever for sex? Because it was good, because it was freeing. While I hated to think of whom he was doing, I couldn’t help to excited to think about it and wished I was there. I couldn't help after drinking to touch the girls. They were just so soft and it excited my male friends so much. These thoughts plagued me for a while; until I found out I was pregnant with his child. That is not something we’ll go into here, but 9 months later out she comes.

I wanted something new. I want something fresh. I want to explore this idea of multiples with and without commitment. I also wanted to explore the idea of sensuality without having to be overtly sexual. I really want to come into my own body, feeling out what my limits are and pushing the boundaries. Getting to know the many different kinds of things to do, even if they aren’t for me. Daring to be bold, to wear the collar, but also hold a whip.


Love Darlings,

A Blue Girl (Just one half of this show)